I wish my head knew less and my heart loved more. The biggest obstacle to myself being a lover of people is the knowledge of those people. The knowledge of what they have done, the knowledge of who they are, the knowledge of what others have said about their type. The most damning could even be my perception of what they appear to be. In a singular moment, my head is able to determine whether or not any one person is worthy of my love and attention. My heart is so often stifled by my rationale.
With the "ability" to use my intellect to judge whether or not people are worth my affection, I am able to refrain from being hurt, dodge awkwardness and hide from emotional pain or sorrow. Simply put, by finding the fault in others – my own sin is terrifically neglected. There is no need to become transparent. There is no need to become emotionally connected. A safe distance is rationally acceptable in every way.
Therein lies the central issue. I recognize my individual pride has allowed me to carry a judgement on everyone I meet. I elevate myself above their downfalls instead of humbling myself (in my own depravity) and loving them, irregardless of both my sin and theirs. I forget far too easily that we are all sinners. I have given my head far too much ammunition against a very defenseless action-prone heart. I readily understand that love is so unusually unrational, but my greatest hope is that it would become a verifiable process.
It's just not that simple.
There is no checklist for who will not let you down. There sadly is no code or governing law when it comes to understanding who should be loved. There is just a simple decree: love everyone. Enemies, friends, gays, haters, lovers, poor, rich, lowly – love all these and more.
Love is simply difficult in every facet, yet I have been charged with the task along with every other believer across the world. My heart is willing but my head is a snare of immobility.